


I Am Your Father Now

by PippaTook



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Abandonment, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Dwarves, Short Chapters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-16
Updated: 2013-06-17
Packaged: 2017-12-15 03:16:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 14
Words: 13,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/844664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PippaTook/pseuds/PippaTook
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fili and Kili's story, mainly from Fili's POV, from the moment of Kili's birth.  Chapters are quite short.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Fili picked up another axe. It wasn’t a full size axe, of course, but he thought of it as a real axe. The room he was in was large; long and thin, and around the walls axes hung by the side of swords and bows and quivers full of arrows. At one end of the room a large bull’s-eye studded with marks from arrows, axes and knives hung, and by its side there swung a sandbag – a moving target. A small, low bull’s-eye and sandbag were also hung on the wall, and above them painted in brown were the words “Fili’s Training”. And lately, in green, Fili himself had painted “AnD KiLi’s”.

Fili hesitated before throwing his axe, looking at the words. Kili. His new brother. He would be here any day now, mummy had said. She seemed to be getting very big, and Fili was a little worried. What she was going to be bigger than Bombur, if she carried on inflating at this rate. He’d only recently learned to write, but he was very proud of his “AnD KiLi’s”. He wanted to get really good, at writing and throwing axes and shooting and all of the things he was training at, so he could teach Kili when he was big enough. He couldn’t wait to have a little brother. He giggled, raising his arm.

The axe struck the centre of the bull’s-eye. Fili smiled, proudly. He ran over to the bull’s-eye and pulled the axe out again. On the wall by his training area hung a small bow and quiver full of arrows, a miniature sword and two pegs, where his axe hung when he wasn’t using it. A little wardrobe stood next to the weapons, where his armour was put neatly away. All Fili was wearing was his helmet. It fitted him perfectly, and he thought himself a warrior when wearing it. Fili hung the axe up and took down the bow, slinging the quiver over his back. The sandbag was stationary. Fili grinned. He dashed to the sandbag, gave it an almighty push, and darted back to the little white line painted on the floor where he took his shots from. Skidding to a halt, he grabbed an arrow from the quiver and slipped it into the bow. He took careful aim at where the sandbag would swing next. Three, two, one…

A scream shot through the house. Fili jumped, causing the arrow to shoot from Fili’s bow like lightening and sever the rope the bag was swinging from, making the bag slam to the floor, bursting in an explosion of sand.

“Mummy!” Fili cried. “Mummy!!” Where was she? Why was she screaming? He rushed to the living room, the quiver still on his back, the helmet slipping down his face. Uncle Thorin sat smoking his pipe by the fire, comfortably sitting in an armchair.

“Uncle Thorin!! Uncle Thorin!! What’s wrong with mummy??” Fili cried.

Thorin looked up from the crackling fire, a little startled. “Nothing, my dear nephew! She’s fine.” Another painful moan rent the air.

“No she’s not!! Why is she yelling?” the young dwarf demanded.

“It’s your little brother,” Thorin began, trying to think of some explanation for his inquisitive young nephew.

“Kili?” Fili asked, his worry turning briefly to excitement. “Kili’s here? When did he come? Why is he hurting mummy?”

“He’s not here yet, Fili,” Thorin sighed.

“Then why is-”

“Fili, I’ll explain what’s going on! There’s no need to be worried. Come here, you little monkey!” Thorin laughed as Fili scrambled onto his lap and sat on his knee. Fili smiled as a large hand straightened his helmet and stroked his back. “Now, Fili, your little brother is coming. But he’s not quite here yet. And mummy is… helping get him here. But don’t worry, she’s only yelling because she’s excited!”

“But she sounds like she’s in pain! Can I help Kili get here too?”

“No! No, I don’t think that’s a very good idea, little one. It does hurt, a little, but she’ll be fine. Why don’t you go finish practicing your shooting, and I’ll come and get you when Kili gets here.”

“Umm… uncle…?” Fili began, a little nervously.

“Yes, Fili?”

“I can’t finish practicing…”

“Why ever not?”

“I broke the sandbag and now there’s sand all over the training hall.”

Thorin sighed. “Well, how about some milk and a biscuit, then?”

“Okay!”


	2. Chapter 2

The little dwarf sat by the fire, his helmet on the floor next to him, braiding and un-braiding his blonde hair.

“You’re getting good at that,” Thorin smiled, puffing smoke from his pipe.

“I can’t do big braids yet, but I can do the little ones,” Fili grinned back. “Can I do them on Kili when he gets here?” Thorin opened his mouth to answer when Fili cut in “Kili!! Uncle, mummy’s stopped yelling!! Does that mean Kili’s here?” Thorin listened. The yelling had indeed stopped. Suddenly a pathetic little cry came from the bedroom.

“Yes, Fili, your brother has arrived!”

“Yay!” Fili yelled, bolting towards the door, but a strong hand held him back. No, Fili! Don’t go up yet. I’ll go and check on your mum and Kili, and you can come up when your father or I come to get you. Now, finish that braid, before it comes out!” Fili pinched the end of his braid.

“Pleeeease can I come, uncle?” he asked, looking up at Thorin.

“In a moment, Fili. Just a little while longer.”

As the figure of his uncle disappeared out the door and up the stairs, Fili wandered back over to the fire to finish his braid. Only a few bits of hair remained un-braided now, and he decided he’d done enough braiding practice for one day. He slipped the helmet back on his head. A little milk still remained at the bottom of his mug, so he lifted it up and finished it, before tramping to the kitchen and pushing the mug on the tabletop above his head. The helmet began to slip down his head again. Had it me a little while yet? His daddy wasn’t here, and neither was Thorin, but why wasn’t he allowed to go see Kili? He shoved the helmet back up is head and began his dash to his parent’s bedroom.

The door burst open and a small figure came flying into the room colliding with the end of the bed, ending up on the floor.

“Fili!” Thorin cried. “Didn’t I tell you to wait downstairs?”

“Sorry, uncle, I just really wanted to come see Kili! Where is he?”

“He’s here,” Thorin said in a low mutter, looking down at the tiny baby wrapped in green in his arms. “But now you must be quiet. He’s sleeping.” Fili scrambled up and dashed to the bed, where his uncle was sitting, pushing the helmet back up his head.

“Ooh!” Fili exclaimed at the sight of his little brother. “He’s so small and hairless!! May I headbut him?”

“Not yet, Fili,” Thorin chuckled.

“Oh pleeeeeeeeease, uncle Thorin?”

“No Fili! He’s only little – you might break his head!!”

“What about holding him? Can I hold him?”

“Okay, Fili. Gently now. Come and sit on the bed. That’s right. Now, cradle your arms. Careful. Support his head… that’s right. There you are. Say hello to Kili.”

Fili stared in wonder at the little green bundle in his arms. Kili snuffled gently, and curled into his brothers arms, sleeping with a soft smile on his lips. He had short brown hair covering the top of his head, and not a bristle on his chin. “Hello, Kili,” Fili smiled down at his new brother. “Fili, at your service.”


	3. Chapter 3

“Can I?? Now?? What about now?? Uncle Thorin, can I now?” Fili chirped from his seat at the table, jiggling around in it.

“No, Fili,” Thorin sighed, exasperated, but none-the-less entertained by his nephew.

“Why??” the little dwarf moaned.

“Because he’s still too small! There is no way you can teach a dwarf who cannot yet walk how to throw axes.”

“Can we teach him to walk then?”

“No.”

“Why?”

“Because you can’t.”

“Whyyy?”

“Because you can’t!”

“But whyyyyyyyyy???”

“Because it’s not physically possible to teach a three day old baby to walk!!” Thorin sighed again. Uncle and nephew sat in silence at the table in the little kitchen. Fili’s parents were out for the day, and Thorin was in charge of his two sister-sons. It wasn’t a large house, but neither was it small. The kitchen lead easily into the living room, and just through a door was the training hall, where his sister’s husband and Fili trained. It was evening, and Fili’s parents would be back soon, or so Thorin hoped. He didn’t even know where they had gone, just that they seemed in a hurry, and that it was important. Not that he was really thinking about it, what with a small excitable five-year-old and a newborn baby, there wasn’t a lot of time for wondering. Thorin picked up the chicken leg on his plate, and was about to bite into it…

“But whyyyyyyyyyyyyy????”

“Because!! Now be quiet and eat your chicken!” Thorin said, rather louder than he meant to as his nephew began to grate on his nerves.

“Sorry, uncle,” Fili said quietly, looking down at his plate.

“I’m sorry, Fili, I didn’t mean to yell. It’s just, your brother is still very young, and he can’t really do all that much. You can hold him and feed him and let him hold your toys, but you can’t teach him yet. I’ll help you teach him all the things you want to, when he’s big enough,” Thorin explained, calmly. “Do you want some more?” he added, noting the bones on Fili’s plate. Fili nodded, a smile back on his face, which turned to a grin as his uncle took the leg off his own plate and put it on his.

“Ooh! Thank you, uncle!” he exclaimed, picking up the leg and biting into it. The pair sat in silence for a moment as Fili munched and Thorin took a long draft of ale from his mug.

“Uncle?” Fili began.

“Yes, Fili?”

“Why can’t I have ale too?”

“Because you have to have milk.”

“Why?”

“Because you do.”

“Why?”

“Ale is for grown up dwarves.”

“Why?”

Thorin sighed. This certainly had been a long day. Just then, he heard the sound of the heavy front door open, and muffled voices from the front of the house. “Your parents are back!” Thorin said, with obvious relief. “Leave your plate and mug there, Fili, and go and check on your brother. I need to talk to your parents for a moment.”

“Okay, uncle,” Fili obliged, pushing himself off his chair. “My helmet!” he exclaimed, as he realised he’d left his helmet on the table, just out of reach.

“Not to worry, Fili,” Thorin smiled, standing and walking over to his nephew, “here it is.” He slipped the helmet onto Fili’s head, and patted him on the back. “Now go see to Kili.”

Fili dashed out of the room and up the stairs to his parents’ bedroom, where Kili was sleeping in his little cot at the foot of the bed. The room had white walls and ceiling, a wooden floor, and one window that looked out of the front of the house. The curtains were not drawn, and soft silver light, from the lamps lighting the streets in the mountain, slipped silently through the window into the room. As Fili entered a slight breeze swept through the window, which was standing ajar. As Fili felt the breeze tickle his neck, he heard a little whine from the cot, which broke into a soft cry.

“Kili!” Fili said, softly, running over to the cot and peering down at the baby wrapped in blue. “Just a minute, Kili, I need to close the window and light up.” Fili ran over to the window and shut it, stopping the chill in its attempt to creep into the room. One candle was burning on the mantle, and Fili rushed to it, checked that there was wood in the fire, and lit it with the candle. A warm golden light rushed into the room, and it seemed to dim the silvery light and fill the room with warmth. Kili’s crying lessened, and he just lay in his cot gurgling. Fili ran back to the window and drew the curtains, before wandering over to his little brother. He lifted him gently out of the cot and held him close. “There, there, Kili. There’s nothing to cry about. I’m here.” Kili’s crying completely stopped, and Fili cradled the baby in his arms. Kili opened his eyes. Two large brown eyes stared up at Fili, and a soft smile crossed Kili’s lips. One arm was free from the bundle, and it clenched at Fili’s soft blonde hair. Fili giggled. “I’m going to teach you everything,” Fili declared. “How to fight and how to write and how to drink your milk from a mug without spilling it everywhere.” At that moment the door swung open. Thorin wandered into the room and stood at Fili’s shoulder, smiling down at the brothers.

“He’s lovely, isn’t he?” Thorin said in a low whisper.

“He’s perfect,” Fili whispered, not taking his eyes off the little blue bundle in his arms.

“It’s late now, Fili,” Thorin sighed, “and it’s time for bed.”

“Can’t I just stay up a little bit longer, uncle?”

“No, Fili. Now go and say goodnight to your mother and father,” Thorin said, looking a little grave. Fili, however, failed to notice, as he was totally enthralled with the child in his arms. After a few moments he spoke.

“Okay, uncle,” he said, turning round to Thorin. “You can hold him, I’ll go see mummy.” Fili passed the little bundle into Thorin’s arms and wandered out of the room. Thorin looked down at his nephew as Kili’s eyelids drooped, and sleep snuck over him once more.


	4. Chapter 4

Fili ran around the room, waving the little wooden dragon above his head. The dragon had been made by his grandfather, who had given it to his father, who had given it to him. Its wings were outstretched in flight, its mouth closed, its talons reached out below it. It was painted deep red, with golden talons, wing tips, spikes and tail tip. Fili loved playing with his dragon, which his father had christened Norbofgordorkak. However, Fili simply called it Bof, being unable to remember, let alone pronounce Norbofgordorkak.

“Roar!! I am Bof, mightiest of dragons, and I will take over your mountain!! Roar!!” Fili yelled, dashing around his little bedroom. He had taken all of the pillows and sheets off his bed and built a little mountain on the floor. Inside the mountain he had all his other toys and things he thought were precious - two thimbles, a little fake axe, a few pieces of gold and big red feather.

Fili rushed over to his bed and tied the dragon up from a piece of string hanging from the ceiling, before rushing back to his little mountain, almost knocking it over as he entered it.

“NO!” he yelled in a low voice, bursting out, brandishing the little axe in one hand and a ragged bear, which was stuffed with straw and had a brown mop end pinned to its head, in the other. “My name’s Fili, and this is Kili, my brother!!” he said in his low voice. “We are princes of this mountain. We came here with our uncle Thorin, King of Erebor, and banished the mighty dragon Smaug!! We will not let our city fall again!!” And with that, he threw the axe. It hit the little wooded dragon, knocking it and making the knot come loose. It fell onto Fili’s bed. “Yay!! We saved the city!” He hugged the bear close.

“Good shot,” came a voice from the door. Fili had failed to notice that his mother was standing at the door, which was slightly ajar. She was wearing a green dress, and her brown hair was braided behind her, but the few long strands coming off her chin remained loose.

“Mummy!” Fili said, happily.

“What a mess you’ve made!” she said, coming into the room. “I just made your bed this morning. Come on, let’s tidy all this up.”

“Okay,” Fili agreed, beginning to take down his ‘mountain’.

Once they were finished the pair sat on Fili’s bed.

“So, how are you liking being six?” Dis asked, looking down on her son, who was twirling Bof in his hands.

“I love it!! I love my new axes and my sword and everything!! I don’t like school though. Can I not go to school?”

“You have to, to learn your maths and your writing, and how to mine properly. Kili will have to go too, when he’s old enough. It’s his birthday soon. Do you like your little brother?

“Yes!! He’s so lovely! I’m going to teach him everything,” Fili replied, grinning up at his mother. “And he’ll be almost as good as me at everything I teach him!”

“Almost as good?” Dis chuckled.

“Yes! I was born first and I’m going to be King of Erebor. But Kili will be prince, and he can be the better than all the other dwarves at Erebor at everything, but he can’t be better than me. I’ll be the king, and kings are the best.”

Dis couldn’t help laughing at this. “Yes, and you’ll be the best king the city will ever know.”

“I don’t know if I’ll be the best king. Uncle Thorin will be king before me, and he’ll be best, probably.”

Dis chuckled again. She stroked Fili’s hair, twirling one of his braids between her fingers. “Did you do this?”

“Yes! I’ve been practicing. I’m getting better at the big ones.”

“That’s wonderful, Fili.”

“Can I do one on you?”

“Of course!” Dis began to turn around.

“No! I’ll do your beard - it looks nicer braided.”

“Okay then,” she agreed, turning back to face him. Fili reached up and began to braid his mother’s dark hair, his tongue sticking out of his mouth slightly.

“Done!” he said, triumphantly, after about a minute.

“Lovely, Fili,” Dis said. “Thank you.” She looked down on her son, who had slid off the bed to put the dragon back in his little toy box, with a sadness in her eyes. Fili, being the cheerful young dwarf that he was, failed to notice this as he dashed back to the bed and sat next to his mother again. “Careful!” she said as he bumped into her.

“You can live in our castle in the mountain, mummy!” Fili chirped.

“That would be lovely.”

“And daddy, too!”

“Yes. Your father may want to live in a castle.”

“We can all live there and be happy forever!”

“Yes, Fili, I’m sure we would be. Now, I have to go see to Kili, and talk to your father for a moment. Uncle Thorin is out right now, but he’ll be back soon. If you need anything just come to my bedroom, okay?”

“Okay, mummy. Can I build another mountain?”

“No, Fili. Practice your braiding, so you can show me how you can do a big braid!”

“I will!”

“That’s my boy.” And with that, she left the room, closing the door gently behind her.


	5. Chapter 5

The little dwarf sat on his bed, un-braiding his hair. What to do, what to do? Mummy had said practice his big braids!! Then he could show her!! Yes, that was what he could do, practice his big braids. He’d never done a proper big one before, so it seemed the perfect time to practice. Then he could show mummy! Yes, practice braiding, that’s was what he’d do.

Fili tied up the end of his braid. Was this one good? He’d spent the last half an hour trying to do a good one and had braided his hair countless times. He looked in the mirror, craning his neck to try to see it behind his head. Yes! Perfect! His first proper big braid. He was delighted with himself, and mummy would be so proud. And daddy, and uncle Thorin. Why not show mummy? Yes, he decided to go and find mummy and show her the braid. She said she’d be in her room if he needed anything. Well, he needed to show her, didn’t he? He slipped off his bed and wandered over to his parents’ room. He’d heard mummy and daddy talking rather loudly earlier, but he didn’t hear what they were saying, or what happened afterwards. Never mind about that. Mummy said she’d be in her room, so in her room she must be.

Fili knocked on the white door and entered. The fire was glowing. The curtains were drawn. The bed was made. But no one was there.

“Mummy?” Fili asked the silence of the room. He went further inside, looking around. No one. There was a white piece of paper on the bed, which had the word _Thorin_ inscribed upon it. Fili knew how to read. And he also knew that what was written here was obviously meant for his uncle Thorin to read. However, Fili was a very inquisitive young dwarf, which did occasionally lead him into trouble, and he had justifications for reading the paper. What if a huge dragon attacked the Blue Mountain, and uncle Thorin saved them all, and on the paper was something really, really important, but the paper was destroyed by the dragon? Besides, it didn’t say _Fili don’t read this_ , did it? He took the paper off the bed and read it. He reread it. 

_Tell Fili and Kili that I love them, and I’m sorry._

“No,” he whispered, rereading the paper again. Fili may have been young and unobservant at times, but he was not stupid. “No,” he said, louder. _Tell Fili and Kili that I love them, and I’m sorry._ “Mummy!” Fili yelled, looking desperately around the room. “Mummy!! Daddy!!” He fled from the room and down the stairs, his feet echoing deafeningly in the silence. No one in the living room. No one in the kitchen. The training room was empty as all the others. Tears began to drip down the little dwarf’s face. “Mummy!!! Daddy!! MUMMY!!!” Opening every door in the house, checking every room twice. “MUMMY! DADDY! MUMMY!!!” Fili yelled till his voice was gone. No one. No one, anywhere. The tears spilled down his face. “Mummy?” A whisper, unheard. He was alone.

Fili found himself standing back in his parents’ bedroom. The fire was glowing. The curtains were drawn. The bed was made. But no one was there.

“Mummy?” he whispered again, into the silence of the room.

No one was there.

Almost no one.

A little cry came from the cot at the end of the bed.

As he heard his brother’s voice, Fili rushed to the bed, the tears still streaming down his face. “Kili!” he said, his voice brought back by the sound of his brother’s. “I’m here. Don’t worry.” He lifted his brother from his cot and held him close. He sat on the floor, holding Kili, rocking gently, eyes closed, tears still coursing down his face. “Mummy… daddy…? Where are you? Why did you leave us? Mummy?”

He opened his eyes at the sound of the door opening behind him. Fili turned to see his uncle framed in the doorway, looking down on his nephews.

“Uncle!!” Fili yelled, placing Kili gently down on the floor and running to Thorin. Thorin knelt before his nephew and folded his arms around him.

“Uncle… they left us… mummy… daddy… they’re gone… we’re all alone,” Fili choked, tears flowing, his head buried in his uncle’s chest. Thorin held him tight.

“No,” he whispered, his face set. “You are not alone. I am here. I am your father now.”

“Really, uncle Thorin?” Fili said, a wave of relief rushing over him, bringing with it a flood more of tears.

“Yes,” Thorin replied. “But listen to me,” he added, pulling Fili away and standing him in front of him. He met his nephew’s eye and placed his large hand on his face, wiping the tears from his cheek with his thumb. “You need to be strong now. Your brother needs you. You need to be strong for Kili, can you do that?”

“Yes, uncle. I am strong. I will protect Kili, I’ll never leave him. I’ll protect him, with my life.”

“That’s my boy,” Thorin said, wrapping his arms around Fili again.

“And I’ll protect you too, uncle,” Fili added, resting his head against his uncle’s chest.

“I’m here to protect you. The time may come when I need protecting, Fili, but that isn’t now,” Thorin replied, hoping that that time would never come. He vowed to himself, as he sat on the floor with the child in his arms, that no harm would ever come to the two boys because of him. Never.


	6. Chapter 6

Thorin sat at the table, his head buried in his hands. Seven days, and no sign of Dis or her husband. One week, waiting for his sister to come home. He knew that he had been thinking of leaving, but for Dis to go with him? How could she do that? How could she abandon her children? Fili and Kili were upstairs in their beds. Kili would turn one the next day, and Dis was not there to celebrate with her family. Thorin had moved Kili’s bed into Fili’s room after Fili asked. He loved his little brother so much it hurt. Thorin sighed.

“Uncle?” a little voice said from behind him.

“Fili!” Thorin said, turning around so suddenly he nearly fell off his chair. “What is it? What’s wrong? Come here, my lad.” Fili shuffled up to his uncle, who lifted him up and sat him on his knee. “What is it?”

“We can’t sleep. Kili keeps crying, and I just keep thinking that it’s his birthday tomorrow and mummy…” he tailed off, sniffing.

“I’ll come up. You go and get back into bed, I just need to tidy up these plates and I’ll be there.” As he watched his nephew shuffle out of the room, Thorin stood up and took the plates and mugs to the sink. Thorin put the plates down a little harder than he meant to, and one slid off the pile, chipping its edge on the surface. Thorin picked it up, running his finger along the edge. “It’s ruined,” he breathed. He slammed the plate into the sink, breaking it into a thousand pieces. “It’s all ruined.” He gripped the edge of the sink, his hands shaking, breathing deeply. “Ruined.” He turned and left the little kitchen, not bothering to tidy anything else away.

Fili sat on his bed, Kili in his arms, rocking him gently. “Don’t cry, Kili. It’s nearly your birthday, and on birthdays you get presents and nice food and…” Fili stumbled over his words, sniffing. He heard a smash from downstairs. “It’ll be okay, Kili,” he whispered, rocking back and forth on the bed, burying his head into Kili’s soft clothes. “It’ll all be okay.” At that moment a shadow fell on the floor, blocking the light from outside the bedroom door.

“Now, it’s time to get to sleep,” Thorin whispered, looking at the two boys. “Shall I put Kili back in his bed?”

“No. Can he sleep with me?” Fili said, looking up at his uncle with wet eyes, brimming with tears.

“Yes. If you want. Now, get in bed so you can get to sleep.” Fili crawled under the covers and placed his little brother gently next to him. “Now, just close your eyes. There you go.”

“Uncle, I don’t know how I’m going to get to sleep.”

“Just keep your eyes closed, don’t talk.” Fili closed his eyes, a tear escaping and rolling down his cheek as he did so. Thorin wiped it away with his thumb. It pained him so much to see the two little boys he loved like sons in so much pain. How he hated Dis. No. He loved Dis. She was the last member of his family, apart from his nephews, he had left. How could she just leave them? Thorin began to hum softly, not taking his eyes off the children lying in the bed. He began to sing the song he had sung so many times before, and with each line Kili’s soft cries grew softer, and Fili’s breathing became slower and deeper.

 _Far over the misty mountains cold_  
 _To dungeons deep and caverns old_  
 _We must away ere break of day_  
 _To find our long forgotten gold._  
 _The pines were roaring on the height,_  
 _The winds were moaning in the night,_  
 _The fire was red, it flaming spread;_  
 _The trees like torches_

The two boys now lay in silent sleep. Thorin took a deep breath, when he heard a voice behind him.

_Blazed with light._

Thorin whirled around to see the figure standing in the doorway. He gasped.

“Dis!”


	7. Chapter 7

“Hello, Thorin,” Dis whispered. She came over to the bed and leant down. She was about to put a hand on the sleeping Fili when a strong hand grabbed her wrist.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Thorin hissed, squeezing his sister’s wrist a little harder than he meant to in his anger.

“I’m letting my children know that their mummy’s home,” Dis whispered back, flinching.

“They’re sleeping!” Thorin said, a look of disgust on his face as he met his sister’s eye. “Come on.” He dragged Dis out of the room and closed the door behind them.

Fili raised his head, looking around the dark room. Kili was soundly asleep beside him. Mummy was home. Did that mean uncle Thorin would leave? Was daddy back too? But they left. They just… left. Fili suddenly became aware of an anger building up inside him. Did his mother really think that she could just come back and everything would be alright again? He was glad she was back, of course, but he wasn’t happy. Uncle was angry too. But little Kili… he was only one. He wouldn’t remember any of this. Fili was very glad of this, but he knew that in years to come he’d remember sitting on the floor, believing entirely that both his parents had left for good. And his mother had just come back. Probably alone. The anger inside the little dwarf grew. This didn’t make anything okay. He closed his eyes again, aware of the angry voice of his uncle outside.

“Now, where in all of Middle-earth have you been?!” Thorin hissed, still aware of the two boys supposedly sleeping just through the door.

“I was…” Dis choked on her words, unable to look her brother in the face.

“Off with your husband, abandoning your children?” Thorin finished. “How could you? How could you even think of leaving?”

“It was just… I left a note!”

“Yes, I found that out thanks to Fili.”

“He didn’t?”

“Yes, he did. The boy is not stupid, Dis. He knew what was going on the minute he read it. If you had seen his face, sitting on the floor, holding his brother…”

“I know I shouldn’t have left.”

“Oh, big revelation!” Thorin scoffed.

“But I want to make things right.”

“Right? You want to make things _right_? Well, Dis, you can make things better, but unless you come up with a way to go back in time and not leave, there is no way you can make this right. Ever.” For a moment Thorin just stared at his sister, disgusted.

“I’ll never do anything like this again.”

“You got that right. Because there’s no way I’d ever let you come back if you did. The only reason I’m going to let you stay is because they need you. You know that those two have been crying themselves to sleep every night for a week?”

“I came back! He never wanted children, but I did. And I got my two lovely boys, and he said he couldn’t handle it. So he left. And I had to choose between my sons and my husband. Well I’m here, aren’t I?”

“Was the decision _hard_? For most mothers it would be simple. There wouldn’t even be a choice.”

“I’m here! I chose my boys!”

“But for seven days you chose your husband!”

“I was trying to convince him not to leave!”

“Then why did your note say you were sorry?” Dis stared at the floor. Thorin shook his head, staring at his sister. “You can’t even look at me. No wonder, really.” The pair stood in silence for a moment.

“Why is Kili’s bed in Fili’s room?”

“Because Fili wanted it there. They’re sharing a room now.”

“Well, I’m back, so we will move the bed back into my room-”

“No, we will not.”

“Why? I need to keep an eye on my Kili.”

“Well, as it happens, Fili can look after ‘your’ Kili better than you can. There is no way Fili will even consider leaving that child. Never. Unlike you. So Kili stays in that room.”

“But he-”

“Kili will stay in that room, Dis. And I think it’s high time you went to bed yourself. I have some clearing up to do.” And with that, Thorin turned and began to walk away.

“Brother, please?”

“Bed, Dis,” Thorin hissed, not looking back.

As Fili heard the voices stop, and the sound of footsteps walking away from his bedroom door, he opened his eyes again. So his mother was staying, and his father was gone. Gone for good. Kili wouldn’t remember his father at all. It wouldn’t be long before Kili’s birthday, and he just knew that when he woke up tomorrow there’d be cake and presents and all manner of ‘lovely’ things waiting for Kili, and that both his mother and uncle Thorin wouldn’t say a word about the past week, assuming that by Dis coming back everything would be okay with him and that he’d forget everything that had happened, just because he was little, the way grown-ups so often do. But he wouldn’t forget. And things wouldn’t be okay. As Fili lay in the darkness, thinking things over, the coo-coo clock hanging above his door burst into life. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve. On the twelfth chirp Kili opened his eyes, and let out a little cry.

“Shh! Shh, Kili, it’s fine. Happy birthday, little one,” Fili whispered, as a tear escaped his eyes and slipped down his cheek. What a way to begin a birthday. “But we can’t get up now, Kili. Mother always says wait until seven o’ clock to get up on your birthday, because then everything will be perfect for you. And we want everything to be perfect for you, don’t we? Now go back to sleep, I’ll wake you at seven.” And, as if Fili’s words had the power of a great wizard’s staff, Kili closed his eyes and slept. Fili watched his little brother sleep for a while, before lying back down and closing his eyes. There was nothing to see, so why keep his eyes open? But there was plenty to think in that dark, cold little room, and Fili knew that that was all he could do for that night. So he just lay in bed, with his brother in his arms, and waited for seven o’ clock. And, as he lay in the darkness, Fili realised something. His mother had always said that at seven o’ clock on your birthday everything would be perfect. But how could it be? They could pretend. They could wear smiles and eat cake and play games, but their happiness would still be pretend. Somehow things are worse when you pretend they’re okay. But there was no way to stop it. They would just keep pretending. And Fili would have to pretend too, so they’d think that at least he was okay. The clock would keep ticking. And until it chimed seven o’ clock, all Fili could do was lie there and think. So that was all he did.


	8. Chapter 8

Fili shuffled down the stairs, the little one-year-old in his arms, dreading the day that lay ahead. He paused on the last step, hiding around the corner from the living room, feeling the light and heat from the fire, listening to the sound of hushed voices.

“Are you going to speak of it?” Dis asked her brother from her seat by the fire.

“Of course not,” Thorin snapped, turning one of the gifts over in his hands. “And you shan’t either.”

“Why would I?” Dis muttered, a little hurt from the tone of her brother’s voice.

“Don’t act like that, Dis. I’m allowed to be mad at you. Although I’m guessing Fili won’t be,” Thorin sighed, putting down the toy.

“He’ll probably bring it up himself,” Dis said, half to herself.

“He might. Although he probably won’t.”

“Why wouldn’t he?” Dis looked up from the fire and stared at her older sibling.

“Why would he is the question, Dis. You’re back, that’s enough. And it is Kili’s birthday, Fili wouldn’t want to ruin it by bringing up the fact you nearly did.”

“It _is_ Kili’s birthday,” Dis said, ignoring Thorin’s last comment. “And it’s nearly five past seven. Normally Fili would burst out of his room at seven on the dot. He always has.”

“I’m not surprised if he’s reluctant. This hasn’t been a normal week, and he probably doesn’t know you’re back. He was asleep when you came home,” Thorin sighed, absent-mindedly picking up the toy again and biting his lip.

“I’ll go see if they’re awake.” At that moment, as Dis started to rise from her seat by the fire, Kili let out a little cry. Fili reluctantly shuffled around the corner and paused in the entrance, hoping the two adults didn’t realise he’d been there the whole time.

“Fili!” Dis cried, rushing over to her sons. “And Kili! Happy birthday little one!”

“Hello, mother,” Fili half smiled.

Dis paused. Mother? She had always been mummy. It was at that moment that both Dis and Throin realised that her absence had affected Fili more than either of them had guessed it would. She swallowed her shock, determined to make today special. She enfolded the two boys in a hug. Fili tried to smile back. She released them, forcing the smile to stay on her lips. “Let’s see my little one-year-old, then!” Fili held his brother closer, the smile slipping from his face for a brief moment. He drove it back on and held out Kili, hesitantly. Dis lifted her youngest son from Fili’s arms, carefully holding him like she so often had. The boy let out a cry, opening his eyes and staring at his mother. There was a light of confusion and fear in his eye, as if he did not know who the woman was. Dis bit her lip. “It’s me,” she whispered, “your mummy.” Kili was silent. Thorin rose from his seat by the fire, setting down the toy.

“Let’s get this birthday started then, shall we?” he grinned, looking around the room, his gaze resting on Fili.

“Yes!” Fili chirped, giggling merrily.

“That’s a very good idea, Thorin!” Dis smiled, coming over to the table and seating Kili in his high-chair. Fili’s face fell as the adults turned their backs on him. He shook himself, mentally. It was Kili’s birthday, and he would make sure it would be special. Everyone would try that little bit too hard to make it special. For it was already very special, in a way none of them wanted it to be.

* * *

Fili stood at the end of Kili’s bed. The cot had been removed, and Kili looked lost in a sea of blankets as he began to drift in and out of sleep, eyes half open. Thorin’s head appeared around the door.

“Hello, there,” he whispered, being careful not to disturb the resting baby.

“Hello, uncle,” Fili smiled back, tearing his eyes from the tiny form of his brother to greet his uncle’s eye.

“Do you think Kili liked his birthday?”

“I think he did.” Both turned his eye to Kili.

“And did you?”

Fili thought over the day. It was exactly as he had though it would be all the long hours of the night before: smiles, food, presents and all manner of ‘lovely’ things. But the brightness of the presents were dimmed and the taste of the food was taken by the falseness of the smiles on everyone’s faces. Even the guests were shifty, wearing their smiles like they wore their boots - to be taken off at the end of the long day to be replaced with something more comfortable, more appropriate. Only one of the company assembled to celebrate with them had not followed the rest of the crowd, laughing and eating. Balin had been soft in voice and kind in action, but the shine in his eye was not worried, nor was it ill-at-ease. It was of certainty. A certainty that, although the clouds that had shrouded the house because of Dis and her husband’s departure were still casting their shadows, there was a light coming. A new day would dawn, and the sun shine would shine all the clearer and the soft smell of spring would whisper through the air, carrying the clouds away. Only one of those gathered had noticed the shine and realised why his eye was lit like the stars. Fili smiled a real smile, the shine that had shone in Balin’s eyes now sparkling in his own, like two of the fairest stars in all the heaven did entreat his eyes, to twinkle there until their return.

“It was a good day,” Fili said, watching as his little brother closed his eyes, finally drifting into sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

“How’s Kili doing?” Balin asked, looking across the table to Thorin, who was taking deep draughts from his mug. Fili sat curled up by the fire, gazing into its glowing embers, his thoughts fixed on his sick brother lying in bed upstairs. He’d been lying in his bed, hot and sickly, for six days now. His mother had been looking after Kili for four days, and had appeared to have come down with the same illness after only two, so Fili had been told he was not to go in his room, which he shared with his brother, unless he was going to bed. All day without seeing his brother, for four days. A worried frown was fixed on Fili’s face as he stared into the glow, hardly aware of the conversation of the adults around him. Kili was only five, the age Fili had been when Kili was born, and Fili remembered how horrible, and vaguely frightening, it was to be sick when you were as young as that, as you couldn’t be sure what was going on.

“He’ll be okay. Still not well, but he will be. Dis, however, had barely left that room - she’d been by his bed for pretty much four days straight, until she got too bad to stay out of bed. And we don’t want Fili to get it, so we’re not letting him in there,” Thorin replied, glancing over at his nephew, who was sitting in the chair Thorin had been sitting in the night Kili was born. Somehow Fili had gotten his uncle’s pipe, but he was not deemed old enough to smoke, so he just sat there chewing it, looking nervously into the dwindling flames, a shadow cast over half of his face.

“Because we don’t want you to be sick, do we lad?” Balin said, getting up from his chair at the little table and standing at Fili’s shoulder.

“I don’t care about being sick,” Fili snapped, not taking his eyes off the hearth.

“He’s a bit worried about his brother,” Thorin explained in a rather loud whisper.

“I can still hear you,” Fili said.

“Don’t worry Fili,” Balin said, resting his hand on the young dwarf’s shoulder. “Kili will be fine.”

“I’d still prefer to see him.”

“We don’t want you getting ill, and you don’t want to be ill either,” Thorin said from his seat at the table.

“I said I don’t care about being sick,” Fili said again, angrily. “And I want to be allowed to see my brother. He’s probably really scared, actually. Don’t you remember what it was like to be sick when you were young?” he added, turning around to his uncle.

“I know, Fili, it’s just-”

“I want to go and see my brother. He needs me. Like you said. You remember, right? ‘Your brother needs you now. You need to be strong for Kili.’ Well I plan to stick by him. Only how can I when he’s sick and alone and scared and you won’t let me go see him?” Fili stood up and threw the pipe on the chair where he’d been sitting, before beginning to stomp up the stairs.

“Fili, where do you think you’re going?” Thorin called.

“I’m going to bed,” Fili yelled back, not pausing on the stairs.

“I think he’s more worried than any of us,” Thorin said, burying his head in his hands.

“We can’t stop him from worrying about his brother, can we? After all, all Kili has shown are signs of getting worse. Let him see the child, they’re obviously happier together. And you know that Kili’s been asking for him,” Balin said, wandering over to Thorin.

“I know, I just don’t want Fili to get sick as well,” Thorin sighed.

“Maybe, but I suppose you realised that Kili made a turn for the worse the moment you decided that Fili wasn’t allowed to see him?” Thorin remained silent. “There you are then. It just goes to show, there’s not separating those brothers. One can’t survive without the other, it seems.”

Fili entered the bedroom. The lights were low, and there was a small figure in the bed opposite Fili’s. Fili wandered over to his brother, who appeared to be sleeping. Just as Fili turned his back on Kili to go to his own bed, he heard a voice behind him.

“Brother?” Kili breathed. Fili turned back.

“Kili?” Fili whispered.

“Stay with me?” Kili asked, looking up at his older brother, who was standing over him. Fili smiled down at the little boy, who was looking at him with pleading eyes.

“I will stay here,” Fili agreed, kneeling beside Kili’s bed and stroking his hair. “Until you are sleeping.” The little boy smiled back at his brother and closed his eyes, breathing deeply as sleep overwhelmed him.

“Then I can sleep soundly, knowing you are safe” Fili breathed. He turned and crept back to his bed and slipped inside it. With one last smile at his sleeping brother, Fili closed his eyes.


	10. Chapter 10

Fili stood in the doorway to the training room, looking at his uncle sitting in his chair by the fire. The light was dim and Fili was cast in shadow. The door behind him was closed, and there was an occasional muffled thud or other such sound from the training room. His uncle was smoking peacefully, staring into the fire as if lost in thought, as he so often was. Dis closed the cupboard and looked up.

“Oh, Fili!” she gasped, a little startled. “I didn’t realise you were there.”

“Hello, mother,” Fili smiled. “Do you need any help?” He rushed over to the table and began to distribute the plates around the places.

“You are a good boy, Fili,” Dis sighed, taking the bird out of the oven and beginning to carve it. “Where’s Kili? Dinner will be ready very soon.”

“He’s still training.” There was a cry of joy from behind the door. “He can definitely shoot. In fact, I haven’t seen a dwarf as good with a bow and arrow as our Kili.”

“Maybe, but you have seen few in the training room,” Thorin reminded his nephew, rising from his seat. “And you have seen none out in the wild. Hunting is very different to training.”

“Uncle…” Fili began, a little unsure as to how to ask his question.

“Yes, Fili?” Thorin said, paying no attention to Fili’s tone or shifty movements.

“I was just wondering,” Fili continued, rubbing the back of his neck, “if you would take me out hunting?” Silence fell on the small kitchen.

“No,” Dis exclaimed, setting down the carving knife. “You’ll be hurt. There are all manner of nasty creatures out there, I know, so no, you may not. Stay in here, where you will be safe.”

“But mother, I’m not a child anymore.” Fili argued. “I’m thirty-six, as of last week, and I know I’m only just starting adult life, really, but I do need to start it.”

“But it’s too dangerous. You don’t have to be a hunter like your uncle.”

“But mother, I’m going to have to face danger sometime. I am Durin’s heir; I cannot simply go and look for buried treasure in a mountain that was supposed to be a temporary home. Please, mother?”

Dis sighed. “Being Durin’s heir means little in this mountain. You can be king in Erebor.” She chuckled a little, but faltered not only her son’s face but at her brother’s also. “No. Absolutely not. There is a dragon in Erebor, we gave up that home, we’re perfectly happy here.”

“You know what I’ve always planned, Dis,” Thorin said, not meeting his sister’s eye.

“And you know how I’ve always felt about it,” Dis retaliated. “Besides, I thought we were talking about hunting.” She turned her back on her family and continued carving. The small kitchen was in silence for a moment.

“Well, Fili… I suppose you could go,” Thorin said, looking up at his oldest nephew. “You aren’t a child anymore, and it’s time we stopped treating you like one.”

“Thank you, uncle!” Fili said, barely able to contain his excitement. “Sorry,” he said, quickly stifling it and standing up straight. “I am not a child anymore. I’ll go and tell Kili about tomorrow!” As he made for the training-room door he felt a strong hand on his arm. “You may be thirty-six, Fili, but Kili is still only thirty-one,” Thorin said, sternly.

“Going on thirty-two,” Fili added, before turning back to the door.

“And you couldn’t go hunting at thirty-two.”

“I never asked. I thought I should be allowed then, but I didn’t think you would let Kili. That’s why I waited until now.”

“You are both very young, and I think Kili is a little too young, to be honest.”

“And I think neither of you should be going, but who cares what I think?” Dis chirped, not taking her eyes off the bird.

“They are young; not children,” Thorin said, “but Kili is still-”

“Old enough,” Fili finished. “And I am not going hunting without him. We can take care of ourselves, not that we’ll be by ourselves.”

“Well…” Thorin said, uncertainly. Fili placed his hand on the training room door, but did not take his eyes off his uncle. He raised one eyebrow. “Okay. You both come out with us tomorrow.” Fili grinned and pushed open the door as Dis buried her head in her hands.

* * *

Fili took a deep breath. There was the soft smell of spring on the morning breeze. The sun peered out from behind the mountain, casting the light of dawn over all the land before it. He watched the earth waking, a light shining in his eyes to rival the rays of the sun.

“You can see for miles!” Kili laughed, rushing up to his brother’s shoulder, bow in hand and quiver on back. “I know we’ve been out here before, but it’s never been this amazing, has it?”

“You never really notice when you’re that young, little brother,” Fili sighed, gazing over the landscape before him. “We were too wrapped up in the thought of all the snow on the mountain and fun we would have up here to pay attention to the landscape. But I think you are right. It’s not like this normally.”

“It’s the fresh morning breeze!” Kili said, taking a deep breath of air.

“It’s the rays of dawn,” Fili smiled as the sun bathed them in a stream of golden light.

“It’s your first time out with us,” Thorin said, sagely, appearing at Fili’s other shoulder as if he had come with the breeze or the light. “And it’s time to go. Are you ready?”

“Definitely!” Kili laughed again, speeding past Thorin and Fili to Bofur’s side, swept along with the excitement inside him. Fili hesitated as Thorin turned to follow the crowed of dwarves.

“Come on, lad!” Dwalin cried, smacking the young dwarf’s back and making to catch up with Thorin. Balin was the last to come out of the mountain, and stopped at Fili’s side.

“I understand how mother feels,” Fili said, quietly. “I don’t know what I’d do if Kili got hurt.”

“Well, I don’t know of much we can stop that happening. We can help him, and guide him, but we can’t be sure he won’t be hurt,” Balin sighed, gazing out over the vast land before the mountain.

“I’ll make sure,” Fili said, starting to follow the company.

“What if he does?” Balin called. “What will you do then?”

Fili paused. “I’ll stay by him,” he said, turning to face the wise, older dwarf.

“Even if it’s hopeless?”

“It will never be hopeless. I will always stay. Protect him.”

Balin smiled. “You’re a wonderful boy, Fili, to always protect him.”

“How could I not?” Fili sighed. “He’s my brother.”


	11. Chapter 11

“Isn’t this brilliant, Fili?” Kili whispered, making to catch up with his older brother, bow in hand.

“Will someone hush that boy up?” Óin hissed over his shoulder. Kili crouched beside his brother, saying no more, making no noise, but still with a huge grin on his face. The company sat in silence for a moment. “There it is!” Óin murmured to his brother.

“Will someone hush that grumpy old dwarf up?” Kili whispered to Fili, who forced down the overwhelming desire to laugh. Óin shot a warning glance at the two young dwarves. Kili pointed to the trees, where their pray stood, shaking with suppressed laughter. “It’s over there,” he mouthed. Fili buried his head in his hands, also shaking. Glóin raised an axe, eyes fixed on the target. A rush of anticipation swept over Fili. The first time he’d ever seen anything real. A proper hunt. The deer turned its head, startled by some silent noise, and darted away, making the birds in the trees around it scatter. Glóin threw down his axe in annoyance.

“Come on, Glóin, you can bag the next one,” Thorin sighed, trying to work out whether it was his nephews’ fault that the deer had fled and, if it was, preparing an excuse for them if another member of the company noticed. They were about to move on, when another thud rent the still air.

“I got it!” Kili yelled, lowering his arm.

“The boy did _what_?” Óin snapped.

“On his first day?” Glóin added.

“Within the first hour?” Dwalin called over.

“What a brilliant boy,” Balin smiled. “Come, let’s go and find it!”

“Did you see that?” Kili laughed, cutting through the thick undergrowth with a dagger. “Everyone else thought the deer was the prize, but I saw the birds and-”

“I saw every minute, little brother!” Fili grinned as the company began to follow Balin through the trees to where they had seen the bird land.

“That was brilliant!”

“You’re right,” Thorin smiled, once more appearing at Fili’s shoulder as by magic. “I think that one goes down in the record books, young Kili.”

“Best shot I’ve seen with a bow in years!” Bofur put in, dashing to catch up with the young champion. “Mostly because of the circumstances, admittedly, but that was still a fine shot!” Kili’s grin got so wide Fili was afraid it would fall off the sides of his face.

“Where did it land?” Nori called, through the trees.

Kili pointed through a thick patch of bushes just over a small stream. “Over there!” he cried. A few feathers were stranded on the bush. Dwalin reached the stream and jumped over it without hesitation. Nori, Dori and Ori followed, closely perused by Glóin and Óin. Fili paused, waiting for Kili to go first. Erran and Derran had made it over by now, and Kili seemed a little hesitant.

“Are you alright?” Fili muttered to his brother.

“I’m excellent, Fili!” Kili chirped. “It’s all tremendously exciting, isn’t it?” He ran forward.

“Take care,” Fili called, just loud enough for Kili to hear. He turned back, the grin still firmly fixed on his face. He jumped. There was a flash of brown, a loud growl, and Kili slammed into the bank of the stream, a wolf-like creature ripping at his arm. Without thinking, Fili threw an axe at the creature, killing it in one swift movement. By the time the rest of the company had arrived on the brothers’ side of the stream, Fili had hauled his little brother onto solid ground and was checking his arm.

“Drulin,” Dwalin muttered, picking up the creature’s carcass and removing Fili’s axe.

“Oh, Kili!” Erran, a rather lanky dwarf with long red braided hair, cried, taking the carcass from Dwalin.

“What? What is it?” Fili yelled, looking up from Kili’s arm.

“Very dangerous creatures, drulins are,” Derran muttered, arriving at his twin’s shoulder and looking down on the creature.

“Well, they can be,” Erran corrected, looking over at Kili. “You seem to have got away lightly.”

“Yes, I have,” Kili winced, pulling the rip closed over his wound. He tried to sit up, but his arm collapsed under the strain.

“Kili!” Fili cried, despairing at his failure. Kili was hurt. The one thing he promised he wouldn’t let happen. If he hadn’t distracted him…

“Be thankful you still have that arm, boy! If it weren’t for your brother’s swift actions, this thing would’ve had it!” Derran said, sagely.

“What is a… drumlin, anyway?” Kili asked, once again trying, and this time succeeding, with Fili’s help, to sit up.

“A _drulin_ ,” Erran started, “is a creature similar in many ways to the wolf. But a lot worse. They start hunting from dawn, and only stop when the sun shows no light.”

“They are as powerful in leg and bite as the warg, only they are slightly smaller than a normal wolf,” Derran added. “And easily mistaken for them.”

“Because of their size and the power of their legs, they are hard to see when running, they go by so quickly. And they are as fast with their jaws too,” Erran said, throwing down the drulin. “If your brother had waited a second longer, your arm would be gone.”

“And you wouldn’t have lasted long after that,” Derran put in. “If left untended for long, their bites will kill.” A worried frown passed over Kili’s face.

“But that will not happen,” Fili hissed, putting pressure on the bleeding wound.

“As you may have guessed, I don’t bring the twins along for their aim,” Thorin sighed, kneeling by his sister-sons. “One of them has more knowledge on the dangers in Middle-earth’s creatures in his little finger than the rest of us have put together. Very useful things to know when this sort of thing happens. So,” he added, addressing the twins, “what do we do?”

“Look - King Thorin asking for guidance!” Erran joked.

“This is serious!” Fili yelled.

“Okay, okay!” Derran said, half-smiling. “I’m afraid the only thing to do is get him back to the mountain and get the wound treated there.”

“Is that all you can say?” Fili asked, annoyed at the situation in general.

“Like Thorin said - we know about the dangers of Middle-earth,” Erran began.

“Not what to do when one attacks you,” Derran finished.

“Does this mean the trip’s over?” Óin said, slightly irritated.

“Kili needs treating!” Thorin answered.

“It doesn’t need to be over just because of me,” Kili said, quietly. “You go on, I’ll go back.”

“Are you sure, Kili?” Thorin asked, eager to go on with the hunt, but none-the-less worried for his nephew.

“Of course! It’s not far. Go.”

Thorin hesitated.

“He should be fine for up to five hours,” Erran said, calmly.

“Alright. We’ll go on!” The company turned, and Fili helped his brother to his feet.

“Come on,” he said, beginning to help Kili back.

“No, Fili, you go on,” Kili dismissed him, walking away from the banks.

“I’ll go on with you, back to the mountain,” Fili said, looking around.

“I don’t want this to be ruined because of me,” Kili began. “I’ll go back to the mountain alone.”

“Of course you will,” Fili smiled, “And I’m coming with you.”

“But Fili-”

“No!” he yelled, looking his brother in the eye. “I’m not leaving you!” The two brothers paused, staring at each other for a moment. Kili nodded, and the two boys continued without any more need for words.

“You assumed Fili would go with his brother?” Balin asked of Thorin as the company marched on, Kili’s kill collected and bagged.

“Of course. You remember when they were young. Well, younger. Inseparable.”

“Yes, I do. And didn’t I tell you? Kili began to get better the minute Fili was by his side.”

“You’re always right, Balin,” Thorin sighed.

“Well, we both know what it’s like to need to protect our younger brothers, don’t we?”

“Yes. But the thing is, Balin,” Thorin said, turning around to look at the two young dwarves as they disappeared through the trees. “You succeeded.”


	12. Chapter 12

Dis sipped her tea. The day had dawned bright and clear, with not a cloud to be seen for miles. She’d been up at cock-crow, having hoped dearly for a storm rivalling the attack of Smaug, but the sun shone as bright as mithril in the firelight, inviting each creature that swam, flew or walked in Middle-earth to do the impossible. There was not one logical reason not to go today, so away they would go. For today was the decided day that the heirs of Durin would leave for Erebor. Dis circled her fingers on the scrubbed wooden table, leaning back in her chair and placing her tea back on the table.

Footsteps sounded heavily on the stairs. Kili came rushing into the room, fully dressed, apart from his boots, buzzing with excitement. Fili closely followed him. He was calmer than his brother, but obviously still full of the energy of the moment. Thorin followed the brothers.

“The sun’s shining brighter than the day you first went hunting,” Dis sighed as Thorin approached her.

“Brilliant!” Kili cried, his enthusiasm stronger than it had been on that fateful day.

“Come on. Gandalf says we’re all going to meet in the Shire. I have a meeting with our kin before I get there, though, so I guess I’ll meet the boys there,” Thorin smiled, pulling on his heavy boots.

“Wait, what?” Dis asked, panic in her eyes. “You aren’t all going together?”

“You knew we weren’t all going together!” Fili said, taking his coat of the peg and pulling it on.

“I knew the whole company wasn’t going together, I thought you three would be!”

“Don’t worry, mum, we’ll be fine!” Kili grinned. “Fili will keep an eye on me, won’t you, big brother?”

“Two eyes!” Fili smiled.

“I do not think this is a good idea,” Dis moaned.

“Dis, you’ve never thought this was a good idea,” Thorin chuckled.

“Mother,” Fili said, looking Dis in the eye, “We’ll be fine.” Dis nodded.

* * *

The sun was shining brighter with every minute, and was now soaring through the sapphire sky. Dis, stood at the entrance of the mountain, looking out over the vast landscape, as her three boys said some goodbyes to old friends inside, cheerily yelling “I’ll see you when you come back to Erebor!!”

Thorin strode out of the mountain, followed by Fili and Kili. Thorin was invigorated with the fresh morning air and the thought of the adventure ahead, Fili was grinning nervously and Kili was positively bouncing with excitement. Dis stood meekly, looking at the boys, wondering if she’d ever see them again.

Fili stopped short and turned to face Dis. Kili was standing still, looking over the vast landscape before him. Dis hadn’t thought it possible for him to look any more excited than he was early this morning. She noted just how wrong she was as her son bloomed under the sunlight, eyes shining with the thrill of possibility. She moistened her lips.

“We’ll be fine, mother,” Fili said quietly, drawing her gaze to his face. The sunlight played with his hair, making it sparkle like the gold they were off to reclaim.

“How do you know that?” she asked quietly. She took a deep breath, closing her eyes for a moment. “Sorry. I know I shouldn’t say things like that, but I’m your mother. It’s my place to worry. And I have good ground for it. You’re not going off to hunt our meals - you’re going off to slay a dragon.”

“Mother!” Fili sighed, grinning. “Stop that! I know you worry, as any mother would, but just you wait.” Dis nodded.

“Right then, we’re off,” Thorin said, appearing at Dis’ shoulder without so much as a shadow. Dis swallowed hard, turning to her brother.

“Take care of them,” she told him, hands on hips.

“I will, don’t you worry,” Thorin replied, with a hint of a smile. “You know I’ve always seen them as sons, rather than nephews.”

“I know. But I’ve always had them as sons.”

Thorin nodded in reply, squeezing his sister’s arm and offering her a smile before taking a few steps towards the path that lead down the mountain. “Say your goodbyes, Kili,” he instructed, pausing and glancing between mother and sons.

Kili bounded over to his mother, grin still fixed on his face. “See you when you get to Erebor,” he chirped.

“Be good,” Dis chuckled. She gave him a brief hug, smiling at her youngest son. “Goodbye.”

“Bye!” Kili grinned. He turned and followed Thorin to the path. Fili remained in front of his mother, eyes fixed on her face.

“We will see you at Erebor,” he said calmly.

“How do you know?” she retorted, shaking her head.

“Because I am Fili, Prince and one day King under the mountain. I fought off a fierce dragon from my pillow mountain with the aid of a teddy I’d called Kili because my real brother could not yet walk. I grew up with Thorin, our king, teaching me how to fight and how to reclaim our homeland. I learned how to be a good little dwarf and what to put on my homework from Balin, as good a fighter as Thorin, in his day. And I had you. And if anyone knows how to know things, it’s you. So trust me, okay? I just know.”

Dis smiled and nodded. She wrapped her arms around her son and held him for a moment. It would be alright. There was no way in Middle-earth that she wouldn’t see her sons again. She’d be a princess in Erebor and she’d be able to revel in the fact that her wonderful sons were princes. This wasn’t a real farewell. It was an ‘until we meet again’. “Goodbye, Fili,” she breathed.

Fili pulled away and offered her a warm smile, readying himself mentally for the journey that lay ahead of him. He nodded, stepping back to begin to follow his uncle and brother.

“Goodbye… mother.”


	13. Chapter 13

The sun had now definitely sunk into its floor of cloud, and the soft light of the sunset was diminishing rapidly. The Company paused as one, and looked around the area. No sign of any real danger, but on their journey there was only one way of being sure.

“Kili and Fili, go scout for us, will you?” Dwalin called to the younger dwarves as he sat down on a log.

“It’s been a long day!” Kili argued, shrugging off his quiver.

“And we’re just as tired as you!” Fili agreed, throwing down his axe next to his brother’s arrows.

“But we need to know if we’re safe here!” Bombur said, slumping down on a pile of leaves.

Balin wandered over to the heirs of Durin. “It is late. And they are tired. Let them rest for a little while, for goodness sake.”

“Are we safe here?” Bofur called to Gandalf, who was sitting on a log, looking out from the group, smoking peacefully. “Do you know, Gandalf?”

“I do not know this area well enough to say,” Gandalf said, not turning to face the group.

“There we are, then!” Dwalin said triumphantly. “We need the scouts to go look around. Now, has anyone seen our bugler?” he added, looking around the group.

“But the boys are tired! They can’t do as good a job as they might,” Thorin argued, ignoring Dwalin’s attempts to close the discussion.

“We do have our own voices, uncle,” Kili said, a little annoyed at the situation in general.

“And we can decide whether we go or not,” Fili added. “Can’t we, little brother?”

“Yes we can. And we’re not,” Kili agreed, sitting down next to his quiver.

“So do we not have any scouts, then?” Bilbo chirped from the back of the group.

“Apparently not,” Nori sighed, sitting down next to Bombur.

“Oh, come on. Don’t be so downhearted! I’m sure we’ll be fine!” Bofur said cheerfully, sitting on the other side of his brother. “Won’t we, Gandalf?”

“Like I said, Bofur, I do not know.”

“You and your cheerful disposition will get us nowhere, Bofur,” Dwalin grumbled, kicking a pile of leaves at his feet.

“And your grumbling won’t get us anywhere, either, little brother,” Balin said, crossing to sit next to Dwalin on the log. “And as it happens a cheerful disposition is helpful, as it keeps hope and moral high. And that can’t hurt.”

“Exactly, Balin!” Bofur smiled, before slinging the pack off his back and beginning to dig through it. “Who’s up for some music, then?”

“Oh, you didn’t bring your silly old clarinet?” Oin said, rather distastefully, as he began to make up a fire.

“Of course I did!” Bofur chirped. “We all need cheering up, I think. Come on, there’s no way we’ll be defeated by one night without scouts!! We survived an attack by trolls! We’re no longer in the clutches of the elves!! And according to Gandalf, we aren’t far away from Erebor. So I don’t see why you’re all grumbling so much! Come on; if you’re not up for music then let’s have some supper!”

“Oh, that does sound good,” Bilbo grinned, coming over to the Company and seating himself next to Bofur. “But do we really have no scouts?” he added, rather nervously.

“Unless you’re volunteering, bugler, I don’t think we do,” Fili said, sitting next to his brother and slipping the bag off his back.

“Oh no, I’m not volunteering.”

“Then stop complaining, all of you. Like Bofur said, we’ll be just fine!” Fili said, leaning back on the log.

“Yes,” Kili yawned, scratching his head, “we will be.” He leaned back, his eyelids drooping.

“As we get closer to the mountain, the path gets more dangerous,” Gandalf said, his back still to the Company. “We cannot be sure of our safety.”

“There we are, then!” Dwalin said again. “Scouts, off you go.”

“Oh, please, Dwalin! Kili can hardly keep his eyes open, and I’m only awake because you keep talking. If you’re that desperate for a scout, you go yourself,” Fili argued.

“You’re much better at it than any of us. You’re young and quiet.” This set off a loud babble as each dwarf decided to voice his opinion on the topic at that moment. The majority seemed to be in favour of sending Fili and Kili out, much to Fili’s annoyance, and worry. They were tired, and who knew what trouble may befall them on the way? What if Kili was hurt? He could barely keep his eyes open, and he was youngest. He was vulnerable, and there was no way Fili would let him go anywhere now, or leave him. Only Gandalf and Thorin remained silent.

“We do not need scouts,” Thorin said, his voice rising above all the others, silencing them. “All we need is a guard, and I’m happy to do that. Now, we’re all tired, and we still have many furlongs to go, so why don’t you all get some sleep.” There was no argument to this from any of the Company, instead they all began to sling their packs to the floor and get ready to go to sleep. Thorin sat himself on the log between his two nephews and watched as the Company settled down for another restless night.

After a while, everyone seemed to be asleep, even Gandalf. Thorin looked down at his two nephews, breathing deeply by his side. A soft chuckle rose up in his throat as his hand strayed from his axe to stroke Kili’s soft brown hair. “I promised I’d protect you both, you know. Well, it doesn’t seem like you need much protection anymore.”

Kili stirred. “What was that, uncle?” he muttered, eyes half-open.

“Nothing important, Kili. You go back to sleep.”

* * *

The next day dawned fair and bright. The Company rose with the sun, hoping to travel a good distance that day. They’d been put rather behind, with the delay from the elves, and they hoped to make up for lost time. After a quick breakfast, the Company set off, with Gandalf at the head. Just as they were setting off, Fili held his uncle back, talking to him in a low mutter. “I know you promised to protect us, uncle, but I also promised to protect you.”

“The time may come for that, but for now we’re fine. Let us go,” Thorin replied, dismissing the comment, pulling away from his nephew and making to catch up with the Company. But Fili held him back.

“Yes, uncle,” Fili said, looking his uncle in the eye. “The time may come.”


	14. Chapter 14

Another arrow stabbed Fili's back. Another stab of pain shot through him. Thorin lay at his feet, wounded and unconscious, covered in blood, but alive. A goblin came charging at the body, determined to be the one to kill the future king. Fili's eyes widened, and, without thinking, he seized his uncle's axe, which lay beside him, and threw it at the attacker. He went down with a shriek and a painful thud. Fili dashed to the body, pain rippling through him, and wrenched the axe from the goblin's flesh. Suddenly he felt another stab of pain. Fili sank to his knees. He tried desperately to rise to his feet, refusing the threat of defeat, determined to protect his uncle to the last, but to no avail. All he could feel was the pain. All he could hear were the cries of death and the clash of metal, on metal or in flesh, muffled by blood which had trickled into his ears.

Fili gazed around the battle. Elves, who should've lived for many ages more, lay dead, scattered around. Folk from all armies lay wounded and dying. Through the crowd he saw Dwalin behead a goblin. Oin fight off a warg. Bifur turning, narrowly avoiding a deathly spear. But where was Kili? He, too, had been defending his uncle, who both knew would not last long after the battle. Not that it mattered. His uncle would survive the battle. He promised, as he stood on the floor of his parent's bedroom, Thorin's arms wrapped around him, that he would protect his uncle. To the last. And he'd protect Kili. Kili? Where was his brother? Fili looked desperately around. Kili had been with him, protecting Thorin.

"Kili?" he tried to call out, but pain rushed through him, knocking the breath out of him, shoving him to the floor. He scraped his face on the hard stone and tasted blood. He lifted his face from the floor and searched for his brother through vision blurred by pain and blood. He saw a shape lying on the floor next to his uncle. Fili shook his head, trying to focus. Kili. There he was, lying still, eyes half open, a trail of blood dripping down his face. Abandoning the axe, Fili crawled over to his brother, pain shooting through his whole body with every movement. "No," he whispered as he reached him. Kili was as still as the ground he was lying on. Fili closed his eyes as a pain shot through him, a pain much worse than any inflicted by arrows, as he believed his brother lost. He did not defend him. He did not protect him, when he needed protection most. "No," he breathed, and just as he was about to give up all hope, he heard a soft voice.

"Brother?" Kili breathed.

"Kili?" Fili whispered. Fili found his brother's hand and took it in his. "Oh, Kili…" Kili squeezed Fili's hand gently, and opened his eyes wide enough to look into his brother's.

"Stay with me?" he choked.

_"Stay with me?" Kili asked, looking up at his older brother, who was standing over him. Fili smiled down at the little boy, who was looking at him with pleading eyes._

_"I will stay here," Fili agreed, kneeling beside Kili's bed and stroking his hair. "Until you are sleeping." The little boy smiled back at his brother and closed his eyes, breathing deeply as sleep overwhelmed him._

"Until you are sleeping," Fili whispered, as Kili's hand became limp in his, unable to find the strength within him to hold onto his brother any longer. Kili looked at his brother one last time before closing his eyes. His breathing slowed, and stopped, as his final sleep overwhelmed him.

"Then I can sleep soundly, knowing you are safe," Fili breathed, one glistening tear streaking down his face, making a path through the mud and blood. And with one last painful smile at his sleeping brother, Fili closed his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's really short, sorry about that.  
> Last chapter! Had a lot of fun writing this, thank you for reading!


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